Thursday, February 12, 2009

keirin cut and ToC - help needed!

so no word yet on whether michael ball is going to goldsprint against me during the ToC, let me drive with him in his team car, or even if he is finally going to bring me his prototype of my keirin cut jeans...   with michael ball in such close proximity for the ToC, it is very important for me to step up my gueirrilla marketing so i can finally get my keirin cut jeans! 

however, for this to be successful, i will need the aid of many, many cycling fans all across california.  please help a big quaded girl out!  it will be fun-- not only will you make me happy, but you will be part of a very historic moment: keirin cut's debut to the public media.

my vision:  have KEIRIN CUT JEANS or KEIRIN CUT chalked all over the ToC route.  yes, i mean keirin cut all over the road on the prologue, stage 1, stage 2, etc., etc.  i want mad TV coverage!  i want michael ball to be driving his escalade and be shocked at the amount of wide support there is for keirin cut.  i want to see to it that "keirin cut" branding get out there more than "livestrong." (sorry lance)

versus will be covering the ToC live and what could be better than hearing phil liggett going: "what is this keirin cut?" and then listening to his commentary on the matter.  which i am sure will be priceless.

so, in review-- this is what i would like you to do:

chalk keirin cut all over the bloody place on the ToC route!  this can be done the day before, while you are pre-riding one of the stages for fun, or while you are biking out to watch.  bring lots of chalk.  and please make it very big and bold!  in fact, please use your creative license.  i am not particularly artistic, but i think that some really awesome chalking could show up all over.  and take pictures!

and please remember how keirin is spelt.  kEIrin.  and while we are at it, please remember the correct pronunciation: "kay-reen"  (i am pointing this out specifically so michiko doesn't have a shit fit when she sees it mis-spelled and mis-pronounced on versus 1,000 times)

now, like i said, please CHALK the road.  i know-- what if it rains?!?!  disaster. spray paint is not an option i endorse, as spray painting roads is illegal and even graffiti with a worthy cause is vandalism and i always respect the law.  but if you are going to take gueirrilla marketing into your own hands, be sure to protect yourself by being sneaky. let me instruct.

 so back in my crazy anarchist days - like the rockin' G8 summit protesting in brunswick, georgia-- i learned that if you put a hanky over your face, no one will know who you are.  (actually, i never really put a hanky over my face...only the cool protesters did that.  instead, i have a big file with glamor shots of me being stored in the pentagon somewhere.) anyway, hankies protect against anonymity, but also tear gas and spray paint fumes.  and if you really wanted to hide the evidence, wear gloves so you don't end up with spray painted fingers.

don't have a hanky?  use this most excellent method of a paper bag over your head.  but, be sure to cut out eye holes.

thanks very much for you help on this matter.  i think with a lot of collective harassment, we can get me some R&R keirin cut jeans.  and, please take PICTURES of your work.  they can be emailed to me at  and i will post them on my blog.  

thanks for your help!

and, i wanted to chronicle my keirin cut posts-- so if you would like to review how hard i have been working to get michael ball to make me some jeans, please see below:   


Amy said...

I wish the girls could come down and help you with sidewalk chalk! It is one of their favorite activities.

gstbreese said...

Yes, Sidewalk Chalk- Not that wimpy stuff in your demo.

CyclistRick said...

Have you sent Phil Liggett a message on FaceBook to get him on board?

Also, get a bunch of folks holding 'Keirin Cut Jeans' signs at the ToC Women's Crit on Sunday. Probably should have them at the finish line of all stages.

Anonymous said...

what about us "fly over country" people? i'll get out with the chalk for the tour of missouri, but i can't make it to cali

beth said...

of course, chalking on any pro-tours is much appreciated, domestically or internationally.
feel free to take pictures and send them to me. i will post on my blog.
also, please call Versus and tell them you want Phil Liggett to interview me and Michael Ball together during the tour. I promise it will be a great interview.

Steve said...

Right on Beth!
How about this.
Get 6 people and have them hold up each one of these signs 1-6. space each person about 50 meters apart up the road.
Ideally this would work best on the steeper slower climbs.

1. Mr. Ball
2. I Want
3. My
4. Keirin Cut
5. Jeans

I'll see what I can do on the Solvang TT climb.

Kevin Collier said...

Too good. I will chalk the walks of Brooklyn in support.

MoMoneyHoney said...

omg you are hilarious beth! i remember your spray paint addiction from back at the port when we were practicing sprints. if that's the same can, it's definitely going to bring good luck for a mr. ball encounter!

twinkiepatissier said...

i was too lazy to read at first, and thought you were spraying an army of ants. i have been spraying ants.

Anonymous said...


You've got to be kidding about the Thunder-thigh jean cut demands.

If you aren't, then you are a psycho.

Here'e marketing 101 for you, which, if you're looking for some sort of paid career after the bike infatuation matures, well, stfu and learn a thing or two.

While no doubt your thighs need some breathing room, the market niche for such girls as you is not a viable market niche. It's an orphan drug in denim.

If you think it's such a viable niche, go to a contract manufacturer and have him build you a few thousand pairs in each size from 2 - 14 and make yourself rich.

If you are not willing to do that, then all you're doing is demonstrating you are psychotic to the entire world.

Face it, Michael Ball is just not that in to you. said...

market niche?

haahahaaahhaaa ... real jeans for real women. yeah, there's no market for that.

don't be sour, just because Beth is sexier than you.