Wednesday, January 11, 2012

the bermuda triangle and other waxing endeavors

today is the eve of my team camp excursion.  if you haven't heard yet (which i am sure you have, as the few people who read this blog know me personally...) next year i will be racing with the NOW and Novartis for MS team.

when they told me team camp was going to be in bermuda my first thought was.... yeah right!  but then i got sent a flight itinerary and realized it wasn't a joke: 1) i really was on on this team for next year - it wasn't a practical joke! and 2) team camp was in bermuda.  score!

knowing absolutely nothing about bermuda, i channeled my one reference point: the beach boys song, "kokomo" and immediately started humming: "aruba, jamaica ooo i wanna take you to bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama..." 

not feeling a need to fact check the beach boys, i began day dreaming about 80 degree weather bike rides, followed by sitting on the beach.  (although, the sitting on the beach part made me a bit nervous, as i knew i would have to deal with me being a bit out-of-control down there, if you get my gist....)

i finally decided to check the weather last week and saw this:

which made me realize, the beach boys' sense of geography is probably just about as good as the beach boys' sense of women (as indicated in the great song "california girls.")  so, i decided to look at google maps, and  learned some interesting thing about Caribbean geography, the first being that: no, bermuda is not in the Caribbean. 

i kindly circled or labeled all of the key reference point in the beach boys song.  and, as you can see by the map... although 'bermuda' does kind of near-rhyme with 'jamacia'... it is not close to it.


my other reference point for bermuda is, the bermuda triangle.

the bermuda triangle - that place where things get lost and are never found - has recently actualized itself a lot closer to home.

yes, down there.

while talking about the team camp trip the other week to my old teammate susannah, i lamented about being out-of-control, my eastern european heritage, and how i desperately needed to shave before even being seen in boy-cut swim shorts. hey, some people get fat in winter...other people get hairy.

susannah breen, being my trusted source on all things female, replies: "Shave? WTF - you should be waxing.  Maybe you could even right if off as a "work expense"".

this, of course, got me thinking...she's genius! however, the thought of putting hot wax on a bunch of hair down there, then ripping it off, really just didn't seem like a good idea.

so i did what i normally do: put it off and tried not to think about it.

and the same thing happened what normally happens when i ignore got more wild, wild west... i mean seriously.  totally out of control.  the jungle became pretty laughable.  "can it get any worse?"  "let's see!"  it got to the point where i think my boyfriend needed a road-map to maneuver all the detour signs down there. (hi mom!) get the seriousness of the situation.

team camp was getting closer and closer and something had to be done.  i decided i was going to make the waxing plunge, but i wanted some more information.  what is an appointment like?  what kind of wax do i get?  where do i go?  what do i wear? do i need to trim up?  how long does it last?  how much further ahead of time should i get it done?  i had lots of questions.

so, being an excellent researcher, i did what i normally do when i wanted information: i sat down at my computer, and began typing into google.  as i started to get answers, i had more questions.... i learned there were different types of waxes...  bikini wax, brazilian wax, french wax, hollywood wax.  (predictably enough i did not see hungarian wax, as that is a bit of an oxymoron) ....  i sat there contemplating what i wanted, and decided i needed some pictures, and went to and started typing  but stopped myself just before i hit enter... what the hell was i thinking?!?!   i was totally going to give myself a computer virus and open some porno!

i stopped myself, but still needed some answers... so i emailed susannah.  who, of course, provided me sufficient detail.  susannah gave me some good suggestions.  some of which i unfortunately forgot about.  "First of all, the hair should be at least 1/4" you can "trim" if you want, but no shaving of course.... hey, if I'm going to have another woman messing around my lady parts - I want them to get it over with asap."  that was sound advice.  unfortunately, i forgot it...

so i had to find a place to make my waxing appointment, and instead of basing it off recommendations or yelp reviews, i picked the place closest to my work.  this technique typically works well for me, and this one was no different.  Serenity Skincare by Nicole - she looked pretty cool on her website. 

and cool she was.  i gave a call and had my appointment yesterday.  she is located in the back of a hair salon.  i walk in and immediately say: "i have never done this before. and i am kind of out of control."  hey, no use beating around the bush. 

so, i am not sure how waxings normally go, but i could have stayed in there for hours.  she trimmed, she waxed, we chatted, laughed -- this was a blast!  i heard her life story.  i left feeling like she was my new bff.  as i walked out i gave her a hug. 

what? it seemed normal!

anyway, it wasn't until i got back into work and went into the bathroom that i really looked down and was like: holy shit i am bald!  i look like i am eleven. 

this of course resulted in a freakout for a few minutes.  i composed myself, left the bathroom stall, went back to my desk, looked around with shifty eyes...and no one was giving me creepy looks.  i know, why would they?  it's not like my co-workers have x-ray vision.  but for some reason it felt like they should. 

so there we have it.  i am bald and heading off to team camp.  looks like rain.... guess it was all for naught.


Lorri Lee Lown -- velogirl said...

awesome as usual! have a blast at team camp.

Red Tail Dog said...

HAVE A BLAST @ TEAM CAMP! I hope you check the road conditions along with the weather... 'Bermuda has 150 miles (240 km) of private paved roads; 130 miles (210 km) of public paved roads; 25 miles (40 km) of historic, mostly unpaved railroad trail' Better shape than the pot holed roads of Oakland I hope. And you'll be on the wrong side if you do it right!
= )
A /

Anonymous said...



Jennifer Triplett said...

I hope you heard me laughing all the way from Colorado. Good one, Beth. A little TMI, but good one.

Nils said...

Skin-tight kit + waxing = recipe for disaster / ingrown hairs. There's a great product called Tend Skin that helps keep your newly-waxed areas, um, happy.

Anonymous said...

Have a wonderful trip to Bermuda Beth!!! Just so you know there is some incrediable places to see while training in Bermuda!!

Velouria said...

Some tea tree oil on the waxed bits and ingrown hairs should not be a problem. DZ Nutts chamois cream (the original version, not the women's) is helpful with that, since it's already got some mixed in.

Your blog is like a bag of delicious potato chips; I tried to read just a a few posts and ended up going through the whole thing. Looking forward to more : )

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