Thursday, June 05, 2008

quad talk

so, finally, after weeks and weeks and weeks of first shrinkage, then stagnancy, i had a bit of quad growth..... 61.0cm....praise jesus!   

i was starting to get worried that this whole experiment was completely pointless.  you see, we are fast approaching my 1 year mark of quad measurements....and if i am the same, or only marginally larger after a full year of riding my bike and training, that will be quite disappointing.  what good has all this training done if my quads are only 1/4 of a centimeter larger in a years time?!  sure, perhaps i am "faster" now... but who cares if you are fast if your quads are small...other than the officials (or perhaps teams, but i am unattached, so no one cares about me)

at the end of the day, bike racing is fun if you get whooped or do the whooping.  on the other hand, quads are objectively bigger or smaller at the end of each day... and bigger quads correlate to increased positive self-perception and self-esteem.  so, that is why i really hope i am significantly bigger for my one year mark.

perhaps big quads don't always contribute to positive self-esteem.... some people try to make you feel bad about your big quads.  for instance: 
  • pants companies that have an unfavorable quad-to-waist-line ratio.  that is NOT cool. in this case, i suggest wearing skirts.  but not tight ones. one's that balloon out.  if you can find one with a petifor, that would be ideal....cause the more poof the better.
  • some stick leg people might make comments about how BIG your legs are.  but they don't say "big" in a nice way that connotes STRONG.  they say it in a way that connotes FAT. don't pay attention to such negativity.  and don't retaliate by making fun of their stick legs.  that isn't classy.  instead, change the subject to the weather... their preferred brands of chamois cream.
  • your roommates or significant other might also tease you about your big quads.  in such cases, i like to get back at them by pulling out a sharpie and drawing a big MEAN FACE on my quads.  the hugeness of your quads plus the mean face drawn in marker, typically scares your roommates/significant other so much, that he/she/they won't make fun of your quads any longer.
well, those are some pointers on how to deal with quad negativity.  but enough with the negativity, let's talk about being positive.  we can all do our part to promote quad love by inserting a few phrases to compliment those with whom you are warming up and cooling down near.  i will give a few examples, but i encourage you to think of your own.
  • "hello_____.  your quads are looking so big, that they are really rivaling ___[insert your favorite local whose quads are huge.]"
  • "hi_____.  your quads look enormous, and it isn't just because of the cut of the design on  your skinsuit."
  • "bonjour ____.  ca va?  j'aime votre grande cuisse!  oo la la!"
you know where else there will be some good quad watching?  at AVC.  there will be some famous quads.  it will be amazing.  the racing is on june 20 & 21st, so be sure to come at night to watch some of the finest quads this side of the mississippi.  [which phrase doesn't quite work on the west coast, but i don't care.]  AVC will be a blast, and hopefully we can even get a few famous measurements!  and if you are a local and racing, REGISTER ALREADY!


CyclistRick said...

We stick leg people seem to get heckled quite a bit at times. Perhaps it is time for a truce ;-)

I wished I could come to AVC, but we will be out of town :-(

clm said...

We're supposed to make the quads BIGGER??? I've been trying to shrink mine!! 67 cm this AM.

AVC--be there in the stands cheering or volunteering!!

Robin Horwitz said...

I'll definitely ask Adam, Giddeon and Travis into letting you measure their quads and post it online. This will be fun?

TreBone said...

"hello BETH. your quads are looking so big, that they are really rivaling LARRYS'[insert your favorite local whose quads are huge.]"

= )

twinkiepatissier said...

i have a super top secret data to know exactly why your quads grew by 1.67% this week. i can't wait to compile 1 year worth of measurements!! (we'll revisit the head:quad ratio, too)

Jen said...

I love you!! After years and years of my brother calling me "Earl Campbell" - I have a new appreciation for my quads thanks to you. No track riding has them down to 57 cm, but look out next year - I'm going BIG!

Beth said...

sorry for deleting those comments, but i would like to keep this blog at least PG13. my mom reads this people! have some taste!