"how to pick up dudes, scene 2" - by beth newell
step 1- ride an orange bike
step 2- wear a used safeway jacket to look totally official
step 3- ride your bike in a desolate parking lot in west oakland at dusk
scene: beth finishes her workout, then goes to a parking lot in the port of oakland eerie industrial area to practice cornering. beth bikes around islands in parking lot, taking probably bad lines and turning in an awkward fashion. this clear skill is obviously very impressive. next, enter, white mini van. (either a plymouth voyager, or dodge caravan, dated 1988-1992. run down with "for sale $1300" painted on windows.) beth avoids minivan at first, going around islands, and continues with her business. minivan comes to a stop close to beth and sketchy man is seen in the window.
sketchy dude: rolling down window, hey excuse me.
beth: stops her bike and looks over at minivan. yeah?
sketchy dude: so what are you training for?
beth: uh... just some races coming up.
sketchy dude: where are they?
beth: san jose, i guess
sketchy dude: how far are the races.
beth: a bit perplexed and unsure how to answer this question, but not really wanting to explain the rules of the miss 'n out or track omniums..... i guess around 10 miles.
sketchy dude: oh, that is far!!
sketchy dude: so are you married?
beth: ?!?!?!?! uh, no. [thought: for reals, was the segue?]
sketchy dude: so you are single?
beth: uh, yeah..... [thought: why didn't i lie? why didn't i lie?]
sketchy dude: can i get your number?
beth: in a nice, yet firm tone, i'm not really looking to date anyone right now. [thought: a lie, but i don't care.]
sketchy dude: i don't mean dating. i mean friends. i can talk to you on the phone.
beth: i'm sorry. mumble mumble.
sketchy dude: mumble, mumble. drives away.
beth: skeezed out, and decides cornering practice is done and goes home.
theme: practicing cornering not only doesn't help, but it also brings with it men in white vans trying to pick you up.