i don't want the pop tart

"did you race this weekend?"

"yes"

"cherry pie?"

"no"

"??!!"

so, how exactly did i do a race this weekend? well, you see, it was my first team ride. [which team you ask? bell lap racing. me and some masters men. that's how i like it. (p.s. please be our fan on facebook)] now, how exactly does team ride=race?

well, it does.

for me.

the last three weeks i have been prepping for my race. i do my intervals and all i have been thinking when it gets hard is "petersoooooooooooooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then i go faster. last week i did the cal aggie "race" for the mere reason that i needed to get some speed work in before the real race this past saturday.

on monday, i start my peaking for the big day. and, mostly importantly, i let the shit talking begin on the team email list. not many engage in my shit-talking, except tom fahey: telling me that for every city limit sign i lose, i have to do pushups.

then people start bailing on the ride.... pelaez cannot come because he is 'moving.' while i would love to crush pelaez-- cause all he does is eat my food-- that will have to wait for another day. the real person i wanted to crush on saturday was brian peterson. "petersooooooooooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

the morning of the ride, i receive a text message on my phone that peterson cannot come because he is 'getting sick.'

scared of getting sick? scared of the rain? or scared of beth newell! it's the later, clearly.

i send him a text message telling him that he is scared, and he told me tom fahey would beat me in all the sprints. of course peterson would instruct his crony to uphold his honor. peterson is a pretty shitty shit talker.

so we meet at philz coffee in palo alto and i am ready for the tour de peninsula ride. bebe and burns show up and we talk about how weak peterson is. and we decide we want to start a list of reasons brian peterson sucks. i decided i was going to collect these on my blog and publish on every subsequent post for awhile-- so please leave your reasons in the comment section, or email me, or send them to me on facebook. but here is my reason #1:

REASON #1 BRIAN PETERSON SUCKS: THOSE STUPID GEEK WEEZER GLASSES-- DARK FRAMED GLASSES WERE SO 2001, BITCH.

when tom shows up we stop shit talking peterson, obviously. and then the ride started and it was ON.

well, it was ON for me.

i don't know if it was ON for anyone else. but i thrashed my bike. city limit sprints aren't very fun when you don't know when they are coming. but it didn't matter so much. the last one, tom even gave me a rundown of the sprint before it was going to happen because i was such weak sauce. - and then we were going down the road putting out approximately 2500 watts in the sprint windup, and then i couldn't do it any more and fell off fahey's wheel well before the line. and there you have it. newell: 0. fahey: 5.

and goddamnit, it is so on now. now i am going to be thinking "faheeeeeey!!!!!!!!" while doing my intervals" that is way better than peterson. because tom is a better shittalker. and he doesn't have ugly glasses, just a lumberjack beard.

and that is how it supposed to be right? trying to tear apart your own teammates?

i must say, i think tom fahey is a very worthy opponent, for more reasons than him being a good shit talker. you know why? he has excellent coordination of his bike. blue bar tape, blue tires, blue hoods. now, i'm not so into blue-- but i'm into making your bike have a little pazaz. something far too few people do-- with their boring black frames, black bartape, black hoods, and black tires. i mean, damn. what gives? even if you have a fugly frame like mine, you can at least make your bike look cool with some awesome bar tape, hudz hoods, and sweet sidewalls. and fahey is all about that. so i have mad respect for that. that and he told me i should do pushups for losing.

anyway, fun teamride. but i don't want that damn pop tart, okay?