Thursday, November 13, 2008

baby ruuuuuuth

i wish i was just being a smart aleck and making an obnoxious quote of one my all time favorite movies.... but no, i just ate a baby ruth candy bar. it was a lot more gross than i remember.

so blah blah blah i'm a big fat loser these days and go to bed early and get up early to ride my bike. 5:45am up and 5:55am out. i don't need anymore time. put on the chamois, brush the teeth, put in the contacts, helmet on, and out the door. no need to dilly dally. breakfast you ask? fuck that shit. it isn't worth the 10 extra minutes. i don't start thinking about breakfast until about an hour and a half into the ride. then i get hungry. but then work is only a half hour away, and in that half hour i can have some happy little hallucinations about breakfast.

like today. my hallucination included getting into work and eating yogurt, kashi, and bananas. then i remembered reality: i finished the yogurt and bananas. and dry kashi is just plain masochistic. so, i'd just go to the grocery store and getting more yogurt, bananas, and more lunch rations, as i was running very thin. all was great, except that i would be another day that smelly coworker. whatever.

so i get into work and as i am changing i reach into my back pocket of my jersey and pull out my cell phone, house keys, and.... and that was it. wallet? wallet? jesusfingchrist. (sorry mom).

this is not a good thing to happen around 8am. i was very hungry. so i did what any good person would do. i eat my lunch. 2 slices bread, hummus, cheese, lettuce, and fake baloney. (i had also ran out of avocado and tomato, which i was going to buy this morning...but i guess not!) anyway, lunch made a lovely breakfast. but then i shot myself in the foot for actual lunch. that was the last of the hummus, lettuce, and fake baloney. left in my lunch bag in the refrigerator was 2 slices of cheddar cheese and bread. it was going to be a long day.....

and then i remembered now i couldn't BART home because i didn't have my wallet, so i'd have to bike another friggin' 15 miles home. it was going to be a longer day.......

lunch i ate my bread and cheese, and i have done my best to scrounge some other foodstuffs today:
-a banana left over from a meeting
-a cherry jolly rancher in a coworkers candy bowl

then i found a dollar in my desk drawer. this made me very happy! so i went to long's drug store across the street. what can i get for a dollar?! i felt like skipping in the store.

then i remembered it was only a dollar. i could have gotten some 2 for one powder Jell-O in a box.... or duncan hines cake mix..... but then i remembered i had to pay tax..... so i needed something under 92 cents or so, just to be safe and not embarrass myself at the checkout. i couldn't even get a little bad of chips, cause those are 99 cents... so i went to the candy bar isle, cause that was my only option. something with peanuts made the most sense. i was down to snickers and baby ruth. now, the option should have been obvious. snickers. but, i thought there were more actual peanuts in baby ruth bars. and then i looked at the nutrition facts, cause really, i like empirical evidence. both have 280 calories. but a baby ruth bar is 2.10 oz, while a snickers bar is 2.07 oz. i am clearly a bargain shopper. but, i made a bad decision, cause that baby ruth bar was nasty. like, really nasty.

so, why don't i just borrow money from someone at work? a sensible question. but i don't want to be beholden on coworkers. plus, i won't be back here til monday, and in these times of economic distress, i don't think i can take the inflation.

on another note, let's talk about my pants, as it seems to be a topic of much interest to me and the world. so my pants were getting super baggy. like saggy ass baggy. quads shrinking, made for loose pant legs. i was normal again! then i started lifting. no problem at all in the quad area though. my pants were still loose in the legs. but yesterday i noticed a new problem with my slacks. the pocket buckle. i have squatter's ass. my ass is getting huuuge. and now my pockets are buckling out. this doesn't bode well, as i have only been lifting for two weeks. what can i say, i am becoming a bisexual boy's dream come true.

this post had potential to be funny, but my execution is off. apologies for the poor writing. i hope to get back on form soon. congratulations to making it to the end. i owe you. i even got bored writing it.

11 comments:

TreBone said...

all this food talk has made me hunger. thanks.

chatterbox said...

no tax on food - even at Longs. You could have had the chips. But, the sugar in the Baby Ruth will help with that ride home. And, I agree they are super-nasty. Snickers is the only palatable American-style candy bar, IMHO. Though there are some hard candies I like (Sweet tarts, sugar babies, etc.)

LAUREN said...

you're riding at 5:45am?

if you start a little earlier, we could meet up and ride in the dark together.

that's kinda crazy talk though.

you sound cranky.

Dino Dante said...

two f bombs in one post? this shit is punk rock!

ohionative said...

I'm hungry now...
The comment on you becoming a bisexual boys' dream made the whole post worth reading!

CyclistRick said...

Now I want a Snickers bar ....

twinkiepatissier said...

a can of black beans at whole foods is 89 cents, and i think it has more than 300 calories per can.

don't American fast food stores have something less than $1?

chatterbox said...

Hey, I think Twinkie is on to something here....a can of black beans would not only provide ample calories, but also jet propulsion to get home without BART.

Jen said...

Hands down the best meal I ever had was a Snickers bar at the Chevron station at 280 and Homestead. It was after 6 climbs and about 6 hours of riding back in the day (before children) when I could actually ride for 6 hours.

Anonymous said...

Interested in your thoughts on the value of lifting for cycling, other than getting big quads (or a big butt).

Wouldn't some big-gear intervals on the bike be a better option for big quads and more speed?

Beth said...

annonymous: i have no thoughts. and if i did, i wouldn't take my advice, cause i am a cat4 dumbshit. i just like pumping iron.