so i made it back alive. i guess that counts for something.
the week was really up and down for me...i am typically pretty even-keeled and happy-go-lucky about things, so it was really rough and atypical. i was a total fucking lame ass and broke down in tears during two warm-ups before the racing even started, and a couple of times in the porta-potties, which, let's just be real-- is pretty fucking gross and pathetic. big thanks to matt martinez for saving my ass multiple times.
that all said, it was a bunch of fun hanging out with the people i traveled with. megan is just awesome (and not just because she laughs at all my jokes even when they aren't funny). brian peterson is most definitely the highest quality person i have met this past year: is so considerate, has so much integrity, and is both wise and funny, a rare combination. steve pelaez, let's be honest, steve is kind of a dead weight to travel with, but he is just so hilarious and entertaining, i don't even notice. pete billington, great guy and awesome to talk with. gio, well, never cook gio lasagna because he will make everyone very uncomfortable at the dinner table. we had six of us staying at stephanie's house, which she so graciously let us stay at, and it was awesome hanging out and getting to know each other. i felt very lucky and privileged to spend time with such awesome people this past week.
that all said, i went down there to race, not hang out, and with that, i was extremely disappointed in myself. i knew the mass start stuff would be more difficult because i had never been in that situation before. so i was focusing on my timed events because i knew that would be something concrete for my first year.
thursday i had the 500 and scratch qualifiers. my 500 was pretty much what i have been doing recently. i was very disappointed in myself, because this is what i was training for. i guess the scratch qualifier was my best race of the weekend, just because i held my position the last few laps and was able to make it into the final.
friday i had keirins and scratch final. the first keirin round was totally stacked with fast people. i figured i'd be going to the rep, but i ended up winning this heat because everyone else pretty much crashed or got relegated. i pulled the pole position. before the motor pulled off, there was movement behind me and two people went down. only three of us left in the heat, one of whom passed me, but she was relegated. i hope you are healing well jen! round 2 i was in okay position when the moto was on, but then the person in front of me went underneath and then i tried to catch a different wheel, and when someone came up on me...and then there was a bunch of wheel scraping in front of me, i totally backed off, and when you hesitate a moment, you're screwed. then i went in the 7-12 final and pulled the pole again, but totally got passed by everyone. it sucked and i just wasn't aggressive enough. scratch finals i was just out of my league riding...just not used to that level of aggressive riding and didn't have the guts to stay where i needed to be with a couple of laps to go, so i rolled in at the back of the pack.
saturday sucked more, as my 200m time fucking sucked. yeah, my ramp up maybe wasn't perfect, but i was about .4 off my goal time, and a different ramp up wouldn't have made that much of a difference. i was 9th, so i didn't make the tournament and was done for the day.
sunday was the team sprint with lynn from portland. i didn't want to get dropped on her, so i was pretty much on her wheel, but not right away... but my second lap was terrible and i was really disappointed with my speed.
i know i sound like a big debbie downer. i wasn't expecting amazing results or anything- my goals were very reachable and small, and i am just upset at myself. blah blah blah 'it was my first nationals'...'i've really improved a lot this year'...these are all things i know, but doesn't change the fact that i rode poorly. i don't really need or want any encouragement from anyone, i am just disappointed in myself and am venting.
all that bitching aside, as i said, i had a great time with the folks i was with. amazing folks and i feel very lucky to have spent time with them this week. it was awesome seeing shelley win the scratch race and i felt very privileged to see her excitement first hand after she has been working hard for so long. it was very awesome. i learned a bunch and am happy i had the experience. and it was also good to see some people from other tracks who i have met along the way. despite being upset at myself, i am very happy i went this week and would do it again in a heart beat.